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Love the Simple Things!
2009/2/15 What to do.....I really try not to "bitch"
about my family problems. Maybe it's not actually "family" problems more than
"my" own problems!
My life has become consumed
with "doing" for others (namely my clients and that's my job)......but also my
Mom. Now this doesn't bother me, even if she does need more help from her
family then most people her age. But maybe not.......maybe I just think so.
She'll be 80 the end of this month and has more things wrong with her than
anyone her age or younger should have to experience.......all at the same
time!
You know she broke her hip
last August and was diagnosed with Lung Cancer last May. Along with that she is
a Type 2 Diabetic, has a really screwed up back (she has one of those humps, not
huge, but there) consisting of crushed vertebrae and such, a not-so-good ticker
(triple by-pass in 2001), neuropathy in her feet (constant pain to the point her
feet are sort of numb but she can stand) and she had Cellulitis while in re-hab
from the broken hip which has cleared (so they say) and now she has something
called Lymphedema which has her legs so swollen it hurts me to look at
them.
She had the RFA (radio
frequency ablation) done but her 6 month PET Scan showed that the cancer was
back. We have decided to use Radiation this time. She has her first treatment
tomorrow. Her cancer is in the First Stage and the tumor is small. Lots of hope
for the radiation treatments getting this tumor.
Now that you know all of
this I will get to my point......the part where I "bitch"!
My brother and myself have
taken her to every doctors appointment. Took turns visiting her in the hospital
and re-hab. My brother even had her stay with him for 2 weeks before she went
back to her apartment. We pick-up her prescriptions. Get what she needs from
Walmart (personal stuff) and what ever else comes up. I have rearranged my
schedule and even worked Saturdays to take my Mom to an appointment during the
week. My brother has done the same.
We asked our sister to do
Moms grocery shopping once a week. That's it......that's all. Out of the past 6
weeks or less that she's suppose to do this she has asked me twice to do it. Now
she has said that she's just too busy and will look into hiring
someone to do the shopping! Too busy? She's a stay-at-home mom.....all 3 girls
are in school all day.....they are 9, 10 & 11 and can do many things for
themselves.......she rarely has a clean house or laundry all done and she
doesn't go to a "job" every day!!!! I know, being a mom and wife is a
job......for most......not my sister because her life is consumed with Girls
Scouts and anything else she can get involved in that will make her look good to
all the other parents at the school. Really, I'm not kidding. As far as her own
Mother, sister or brother are concerned, we are of no concern.
So......this has eaten away
at me and I really don't know what to do. I can't talk to her anymore because
she actually makes me sick.....mentally mostly. That's not a good thing for me.
I "stew" on the way she has no feelings or thoughts about how she treats her own
Mother. She didn't even know Mom was going to start Radiation until I took Mom
for her second appointment for the "set-up" on the machine. I can't talk to her
because she justifies everything she does, or doesn't do, in some way. She
really thinks she's in the right! And no......it's not her way of "dealing" with
things. She hardly knows what "things" are going on with Mom. I feel so bad for
my Mom.
But I do know that "what
goes around comes around" and my sister is setting the example for her own girls
right now and I'm sure she doesn't even realize it. I truly believe that at some
point in her life she will be treated the same and I have to tell you, I'm
totally okay with that! ;-) I'm sorry, but she's been approached by family to
make amends with her Mother before she no longer can. She doesn't do it.....she
doesn't help.....she leaves everything to my brother and myself. That's okay, I
just hate that my Mom knows about all of this.
Okay......big breath
out.......I feel somewhat better now.
Thanks for listening.....if
you didn't leave after the second paragraph! LOL
One more thing.....I went to that other "Blogging" Place to try it out.... http://keepsitsimple.blogspot.com/ Colleen
 2009/1/17 Happy New Year!?Another year is upon
us......
I know, I'm a little late in wishing
everyone a Happy New Year not to mention
Merry Christmas!
It just came so quickly and was gone
just as quickly! My holidays were pretty much un-eventful, but that's okay. I
was more than happy to just get thru them this year. We had such crummy weather,
snow days, that it really put me behind on work. Had to make up days on my
Saturdays off! That was annoying all by itself. So I never really got into the
spirit of things! But now it's back to normal.....as normal as it can be I
suppose.
I'm spending the day inside due to
the weather....again. If you don't know, the upper Midwest has been in a deep
freeze for the past 4 days or so. Temps not getting above -10 or so for our
highs. Add to that the wind chill and we were at -30 or more! Sheesh, even the
schools were shut down on Thursday and Friday. But not me, my truck started
every morning and so I went to work. I would not have minded if it didn't start.
Then I could justify a day off. But of course the "miser" that I am, I would
have worried about not making money to pay the bills! LOL
So now I'm thinking about going out
and getting my mail. Which would mean getting dressed in warmer
clothing....putting my hat, scarf, coat, boots and gloves on.....and making my
way across the street to my mailbox. Sounds like such a chore! Maybe later! ;-)
Oh yeah, I'm expecting a movie from Netflix so I will definitely make the
journey out!
It's snowing.....again.....another
chance to use my snow thrower. I got it in November and I love it. Does that
sound weird? I don't care if it does. I went thru 4 winters without one and I'm
soooo glad I have one this year. We have had lots of snow already and it has
made things so much easier. I sometimes think there isn't enough snow to use it,
but then I think "what the hell", that's what I got it for! I've let the snow
pile up due to the frigid temps. It was enough to get into the garage and then
haul stuff into the house, get the mail and get inside when it was so cold. I
never could bring myself to go back out.
An update on my Mom.....she's doing
better, considering everything that's wrong with her, but she has recovered very
nicely after breaking her hip in August. She uses the walker all the time now
but that's okay. She went for her 6 month check on her lung cancer, it's back,
but still very early stage and a small tumor. We will probably go with Radiation
treatments this time. The RFA (radio frequency ablation) was a good try at the
time. But since it didn't kill it off completely the doctor is leaning to the
radiation. I told my Mom not to be so afraid. She remembers when my Dad had
cancer, that was 20 years ago, and the technology has come a long way now. I
also told her that if she can not bear it she has a choice. She'll be 80 the end
of February and we are all amazed she's lived this long.
I hope that doesn't sound bad, but
you would have to know my mom, how she has lived her life, and it would sound
perfectly okay! I don't want her to pass on, but I also do not want her to
suffer anymore than she has. I can always tell that she'll be okay because she
can "bitch" about things. When she stops doing that I'll know she's given up!
And then I may have to just let go.
Okay.....that's it for now. Since
most everyone of my blogging friends has moved over to Blogspot I will have to
go see what that is all about. I normally love change, but I hate that Spaces
does it on a regular basis and then doesn't even do things that I like! LOL So
I'll check out Blogspot and maybe make yet another change!
Hugs to all,
Colleen
2008/11/16 And so it goes.....This week I found out that an ex-boyfriend had
died.
It was a very casual question, more or less, in an
email from a friend back in Arizona. She had asked if I remembered "so & so"
and that he died in September. I just sat there looking at that sentence. Just
one sentence and then she went on with the rest of the email.
I think I was in a mild form of shock......more
because of the casual statement really then of his passing.
Do you think that's cold? It's not. Do you know
why? Because I knew it would happen. I knew he would die before he should. But
then again, what is the "right" time to die?
If you know me you know I believe in
"Signs"......not the ones you see on the road, but really the ones you feel or
maybe have in a dream. You see I had a dream, couldn't tell you exactly when,
and Jim was in it. It surprised me because I hadn't thought about him in a very
long time. We were together when I was around 21, I'm more than twice that age
now! ;-) But we had been in contact since then more or less by chance meetings
and such. But I haven't talked to him since before I moved so I would say around
7 years or more now.
Anyway, I wish now I had made an effort to see how
he and his family were when I had that dream. It was a family of 4 boys and a
Mom and Dad that were great. Jim and I just weren't meant to be. Maybe I was too
young, probably , but I am glad we met. It's not always the "one" person you are
with, but all the others you may never have met.
Another sad thing was that while trying to find out
more about Jim I came across another Obituary for his brother who had died this
past July from cancer. I couldn't believe that he died....I actually thought
that my friend had it wrong and it was not Jim. But both had passed.....survived
by their Mother and two brothers. I again had a sadness for a mother who had to
not only bury her husband, but also two sons.
I have these types of dreams......and never acted
on them. Like everyone else I pretty much forgot my dream as fast as I had it.
But the remembrance of "who" was in it always stays with me, especially when I
haven't talked to or seen that person, much less thought about, in many years. I
always wonder "why" was that person in my dream?
So I've decided to act on these "Signs" in the
future. How? I'm not sure. But if it could be as simple as writing a letter I'll
do it.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.....be thankful
for all that you have and for all the people in your life.
Each comes for a reason........
Hugs,
Colleen  2008/8/10 Enough Already.............I mean really........
 Just to "vent" on a few things......for myself more than anything else. And I guess I'm not really "venting" in the usual way.....you know, bitch and curse/rant and rave......I guess I just have to write this stuff down because it's really somewhat unbelievable!
Mom had her RFA (radio frequency ablation) done on her tumor July 14th. It went really well other than the fact that she has no tolerance for pain and she made sure the doctor knew that. She isn't put "under", just made comfortable/loopy and then the area that they go into with the probe (it's like having a biopsy) gets numbed. In her Doctors words later that day "it was the first time I lost a wrestling match with a 79 year old woman"......yep, she was flinging her arm around to get that damn probe out of her!!
Needless to say, this caused her more pain afterward, but what do you expect? She also had some fluid around the "now dead" tumor and her blood oxygen level was low. So she stayed in the hospital a few days longer but her PET scan showed that the cancer cells were dead....gone.....adios!! Yippee!
So......just as she's getting to feel better, even having to lug around a small oxygen tank when she's active, what happens?
Take a guess........
I get a call at 7am this last Thursday morning from the Police, she had fallen during the night and the Paramedics are taking her to the hospital!
She broke her hip............
I swear........what else is going to happen to this poor woman?? I really thought with everything else and then the Cancer that would/could be it?? HA!!!!!
I hate that this happened to her but it's done. Now it's the long road to recovery.......and I really hope and pray that she can get thru this. I know of many people her age that just couldn't do it. And then add all her other stuff......Jeez!
Well you know what I'll be doing for a while.......again......hmmmmmm. I won't complain, not much anyway, and I just hope and pray that she gets thru this. She has to..........
I cut some flowers from my garden this morning and will be going to see her later. I spent the first 2 days there, 12 hour days, and had to do make-up work on Saturday. That was almost like having "time off". It's so stressful in those situations
 .....it drains me. Mostly because they had to send the ambulance to a different hospital because the one she always goes to, has all her "history" on file, was closed to emergency cases at that time. I guess that happens. And I look at it this way......everything happens for a reason........what it is I'm not sure, other than the fact that where she is at will move her to her Favorite rehab facility just next door........so that's a good thing.Anyway, that's it for me.....I really wish I could spend more time blogging and reading blogs, I miss it.
My summer is almost gone, August already, and I haven't done much of anything. I do plan on taking some time, come Hell or High Water, for myself this Fall I think. I banked my Stimulus check just for that!
Healthy and Happy wishes to all of you,
Colleen 2008/6/29 More time please.......Do you ever say that? Lately it has been my Mantra! LOL
I haven't written much lately or visited any blogs. My life has been full, more than I want and more than I need. I remember thinking when I lived back in Arizona of how bored I would get. Always so much time with nothing to do. Well, I've made up for that and then some since moving here! ;-)
Things have been hectic, shall we say?, since the beginning of March. I won't go into the "Big" event that took place then. Just know that it has to do with my family, but I need to respect their privacy so I can not go into that here at my Blog.
That being said, I was pretty much on my own when it came to my Mom. That's okay.......I took on the extra duties with a zeal I didn't even know I had. But soon other things started going wrong, all having to do with money. Now that those things are in my past I won't bother to list them individually so I can Bitch about them individually. Just know that one came right after another to the point I didn't want to get out of bed for fear of what the day would bring!
And what seemed to put everything in perspective was the news we got about my Mom in May.......along with all the other things wrong with her, she now has Lung Cancer. Yep..........so now you know why not much else matters as far as my trivial little $$ problems.....(not really little $$ but I won't go there)!
Her cancer is in a very early stage and it is in one place. But because her heart is so messed up she is a risk for surgery. So, after talking to a doctor for Radiation Treatments and one for Radiofrequency Ablation, we are going with the RFA, the radio one. It's very non-invasive and a "one-treatment-see-results-next-day" type of thing. It's pretty much like having a biopsy done......look it up online if you want more info., I'm not going to bore you with the details.
Sooooooo, we will probably get Mom started with this the second week in July. She's going to also be part of a Study, which I think is great, and "Kudos" to her. :-)
So yeah......more time please........in every aspect of my life I need that. But what's more is that "I want" more time with my Mom. For as much as she drives me crazy, I have thought about her NOT being here and I just have the biggest problem picturing that. I mean how do you do that? My life pretty much revolves around her life lately......I've become very dependant on her I think. Does that even make sense? She's dependant on me, I know that, but when I think about her not being here I wonder what I'll do then..........I have no one else that depends on me.
My Mom is 79 years old and has soooo many things wrong with her I would hate to be her. But she keeps on going.......never changing her lifestyle mind you........but keeps on going. Now she has the BIG "C". Will she make any changes? Probably not. But I'll try to deal with that and not nag her about it......at this point I don't think it would make a difference. I just want her outlook to change. Be more "positive" and look more to just having fun and making the most of everyday. It's a pity most of us do that when we know our days are numbered and not before.
So I'll write when I can.......most will say it may help.....I know it would......it's just finding the time to do it! The weather is beautiful, summer is here, festivals have begun, and my yard calls me all the time! LOL So even if I have the time I can't always bring myself to be in the house on the computer. I would love to have a lap top and then I could be out on my deck writing. But alas, the $$ thing again! ;-(
Okay I've got to go outside....
Colleen 2008/6/7 Deja Vu......This happened already,Thanksgiving Eve , 2 years ago now, I think. it was.....
You know I really had super good intentions of writing a blog letting all my friends, blog and others, know what's been happening with me lately.
Some I can tell, events that is, and some I can only "sort-of" tell since they only effect me because I'm family.
Anyway.....good intentions....blown apart by the storm that rolled thru here earlier! CRAP!!!
Now my question is "do I get rid of the tree or the deck"?? LOL Can my tree have something against my deck? ;-)
It's like I don't have enough to do! But I am very thankful that it didn't cause any more damage than a few plants and the tree itself.....as far as I can see! I will know more when I can start cutting away at the thing which will be as soon as the rain stops and the warnings are done.....which is another reason for not writing, I really shouldn't even be on my computer! Adios, Colleen 2008/5/7 It's green out there....It's here......it's finally here!! ;-)
Spring that is. Officially it's been here for several weeks.....but it hasn't felt like it at all. But as I'm sitting here, thinking of what to write, I can look out my front window and see GREEN!! Not the branches of a bare tree or my neighbors house across the street. Not the street light that would shine thru the branches when it gets dark. None of those things......just the beautiful color green! Blocking out any and all intrusion of anything other than Nature itself. I love it!
If you have read me before you know that I love to spend time in my yard/gardens. This year is no exception, not at all. Even more so I think since the winter was so blasted miserable.....never ending! I've been doing things as the weather permits, it's still not nice every day, but a few in a row now and then. Things are popping up all over the place! My Yellow Tulips are blooming this year. They didn't last Spring due to a "freak" frost and freezing days before they were able to pop up. So this year I've been waiting. And today I was surprised by how many came back.
I truly believe that Spring is a time to start fresh and new with everything in your life. Really each day is that way if you want it to be. It's time to forgive if you need to, begin what you want to, and keep up with what's been good for you.
Anyhoo, I'm going to start.......:-)
Colleen 2008/3/30 In the right place......At the right time!
It doesn't always happen that way but it did for me the other day. I went to visit a friend and when I was walking to her back door I noticed her car in the driveway with a flat tire. I went into the house, she's that sort of person, just come on in, and called for her. I asked her if she knew she had a flat.....she didn't. Said she had already been out and I figure that she more than likely drove with a flat tire! LOL She even admits to probably not even noticing it.
Anyway, I told her to call AAA.....she couldn't find her card so I went out to get my card from my truck. I keep all those cards, you know all the cards you get from every damn place on the planet? The grocery store, video store, library, my license. I keep them all in one place, a small change purse that I keep in my truck. Well, she called the number and they would be there in about an hour. I chatted for a while and went on my way. Promptly leaving my cards at her house.
I didn't even know, remember my license was in there, until I came home and got the phone message from her. I didn't want to go back out, it started snowing AGAIN and got cold. It was on Thursday and all I wanted to do was stay home. I did finally go over Friday evening, she expected me much sooner, and she happened to have a friend over. I knew when I walked in they were having a serious talk and figured I would get what I needed and give them their privacy.
But when we made the introductions, which I had met this woman before briefly, my friend said that I was the person to talk to. I wasn't sure what that was all about until the other woman looked at me and I could tell she had been crying. I instantly knew it had to be something to do with drinking. I didn't know if it was her but found out that it was her son. He's 27 and in a very bad place with his drinking. Being a recovered alcoholic I sat and knew I could help, if even just to let her know that things could be better.
Now if you have read my story you know that I have been thru this and came out the other side. As you also know I can talk and babble forever, which is exactly what I did.LOL But in this case it was really needed! I felt really good that for once I could give someone who thought there was no hope, some hope. We cried and hugged, laughed and hugged some more. I know she still has her worries and doubts and that's normal. But I also think she knows that this can change........I think I gave her that HOPE and that makes me feel good.
So, if I hadn't come by in the first place I wouldn't have noticed the flat tire, left my purse and had to come back the next day in time to help a friend. Like I say, everything happens for a reason! :-) Isn't it just the coolest thing?? Coincidence??? I think not.
It just proves to me that you never know what each day will bring. The series of events that happen could change your or someone else's life. You just never know the effect you may have on someone with the words that you speak.
It was a good couple of days......and I hope for many more for me and you!
Colleen
One more thing.....I have been sitting here this morning listening to music while on my computer. I have several CD's of artist's that were brought to my, and probably your attention by our friend Yellow.....great music and reminds of him. Even tho I was mad at the way he left, I do miss him and his blog. Just thought I would throw that in here....you know.....just in case he's still checking in with his old blog friends! :-)
I just looked at my Blog.....what the HELL happened to my picture and Butterfly??? Friggin FileDen!!!!!!
 Okay....all better now.....I have no idea what happened to FileDen, all my pictures there are gone, I guess it's my fault for not being around that much lately. Now I have to go thru my blogs to see where pics are missing......but not today, I'm done sitting here! LOL Adios!!!!! 2008/3/9 I'm still around......Good Grief.......I can't believe that it's been so long since I've written something in my Blog. I've given it thought many times and actually had things to write about. But it seems that "life" has just gotten in my way! LOL
Actually it's not that funny lately. I know I go on about the weather here.....the cold and the snow. But you have to remember that I'm still "new" to this stuff. Weather.......we didn't really have much of it back in Arizona. Well, we had warm and hot, and what I would now call "cool" during the winter months which lasted maybe December thru March, like here! But the snow and cold days that we've had here this year has been record breaking to say the least. I think it's happened all over in one form or another.
I only hope that the temps rise and the snow melts very soon (they say this week) so I can actually see Spring coming. Sheesh......Easter is a few weeks away and it doesn't feel anything like it. Okay.....enuff about the weather!
I watched a movie maybe last week or the week before. It was called "Tara Road" and it was made from a Maeve Binchy novel. I've never read her but I enjoyed the story of this movie. It centered on two women whose lives were falling apart. One in New England and the other in Ireland. They decide to swap homes and try to escape their lives. Each looking for something different from what they had and both finding the complete opposite of what they want!
I guess what I got out of the story was that sometimes when you feel that your own life is in turmoil, or what you perceive as turmoil, you should immerse yourself into someone else's life/turmoil. Which is pretty much what happens to both of these women. Sometimes looking at someone else's problems can really put your own into perspective. Not that your own may be any less, but that you are not the only one going thru......well......going thru life!
We hear about that life lesson all the time....."Be grateful, things could be worse"........and it's true! But I also know that when I have some kind of Drama in my life I pretty much figure it needs to be the only thing I focus on. Which is good but also not so good. Sometimes I think we do need to take a step back and look at things differently. I'm going thru that right now because of something that's happening in my life. I don't want to say that it doesn't "directly" concern me because it does, in a way........but it doesn't "center" around me.
I know that things will go the course that they are suppose to.....I still believe that everything happens for a reason. I just wish it wasn't so Surreal........I've never used that word before and never really understood it's meaning until now.
I've also been home on my ass all weekend fighting off a cold. I couldn't believe I got sick......I can't even remember the last time I was sick. This one hit me like a Mac truck and I decided to lay low and get rid of it. But I'm really getting antsy now and I hate that I wasted a weekend off just laying around my house. I can't wait to go to work tomorrow.......now that's just SICK!!!!!!!! LOL
Colleen 2008/2/12 Winter In Wisconsin.....WISCONSIN POEM
It's winter in Wisconsin And the gentle breezes blow Seventy miles an hour At twenty-five below. Oh, how I love Wisconsin when the snow's up to your butt You take a breath of winter And your nose gets frozen shut. Yes, the weather here is wonderful So I guess I'll hang around I could never leave Wisconsin 'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!! :-) |
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