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2006/5/6 Journeys End Part 1Or is it? Do we ever really stop setting out for something else? Something maybe not always better, but just different.
I don't know that I really expressed to you all my reasons for leaving Arizona. As you know I stopped drinking and in doing that I lost some friends. I got over that, but I did realise that I wasn't really going to make many new ones because drinking was the past time in Havasu! In addition to the fact that I was in my early 40's at the time, and single, and most other people that age were set with their husbands/wives/families. I did not really have the inclination to be a 3rd wheel as they say!
I also knew there were no prospects for a relationship with anyone any longer. Maybe it was just me, but I just couldn't stomach the men in that town any longer. It may sound harsh, it is, but you have to know the place to understand.
I was also fed up with the climate. I had enough of the warm/hot weather! I missed the 4 seasons desperately! It went from cold to hot almost over night most times. And now this will sound just rediculous to some of you, but I was sick of seeing the Sun every freaking day! Really, after 31 years it was enough....it was a special event to have a cloudy day! I would take off from work sometimes just to enjoy the gray skies and hopefully some rain and a rumble of thunder.
And then there was a reason I try not to speak of too much. I figure if I don't talk about it, it really isn't happening! :-) I was feeling very moody and crabby and just plain sad at times. I figured it was because I was unhappy where I was living, it was a big part of it. But, I went to my Health Food Store and talked to the gal there and she said, matter-of-factly, you are peri-menopausal.
I stood there waiting for her to say something because I knew that I had just imagined her saying peri-menopausal!!!! I DON'T THINK SO! I'm too young for that....I'm only 44 (at that time) I told her. She asked, have you had children? I said, no. She said, well then it could happen. Woman who have never had children will start the process earlier in life.
I thought, well maybe that's a good thing, I'll get through it earlier and enjoy my life. So I said "how long will this last?" Oh 10 to maybe 15 years, maybe less she said. I think I passed out....I'm not sure because I no longer saw her or heard anything! Time stopped I think! I was whooshed away into another plane of existance maybe.....could this really be happening to me now?
 ahhhh man.....I almost had it!!!!
It could and it was. I researched and tried everything to ease the symptoms. It's different for everyone you know. So there's no one thing you can do to make it easier.....it's trial and error. But I did figure things out for me! Yippee!
So having learned this about myself I now questioned my reasons for wanting to leave. Was it just because I was emmotional? Nahhhhh......I knew if I didn't get out of there and real soon someone was going to get hurt!! :-) Now I had an excuse that might hold up in court.....I mean I was at the point where you didn't even want to look at me the wrong way! Ha! I'm exaggerating for effect here! But I was more than ready to go.
My only concern was leaving my Mom behind. For 2 years I tried to stay, but I was miserable and she knew it. I had to go and I came to terms with that. And as you know if you have read other blogs, she is now here with us. It didn't happen quite the way it was suppose to, but the result is that she is here!
This brings me back to where I was in my story, but I have to go.
I'll finish this tomorrow.......
Colleen
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