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19/04/2006 First LoveSome people say "that it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all".
I say "you can't miss what you never had".
It's a toss up.....neither is what I ever wanted in my life. I have loved and I have lost, but not as deep a loss as others. I'm still a romantic, more now than ever, and I hope to always be. I never want to be bitter about love just because I haven't found it, again. Not yet anyway, I'm always hopeful!!! I truly believe that I haven't come this far in my life to spend the rest of it alone. I'm an optimist, not with my head in the clouds (not all the time anyway), but I do look for the "good" in everything and everyone. I really do see the glass as half full and not half empty! I never want to see things any other way.
I fell head over heels, hit with a bus, knock me over with a feather in love. We worked at the same place and I had never met him until one night at the local bar where everyone went. He and his best friend, come to find out later, were in somewhat of a chase....for me.....can you imagine?? Why me? I never thought I was anything special. I didn't even date in High School and only had 2 short lived relationships since graduating.
He came over to me, we started to talk and before we knew it the bar was closing. He walked me to my truck, we were the only ones in the parking lot.....he lowered his head to give me a kiss, one I was waiting for all blessed night to tell you the truth. Now I have to tell you, I love the kissing part.....there's so much that can be put into and taken from something as small as a kiss. That kiss went on forever. I'm not sure, but I think we were out there well over an hour.....just kissing! It was what romance novels are made of....I thought so anyway! I finally said "I should go". He said "ok". I left. I drove really slow out of that parking lot and all the way home. I guess I was expecting to see his headlight following me. He rode a Harley by the way. I wanted him to follow and just felt it was suppose to happen that way. Well it didn't.
He found me at work and things fell right into place after that. There was the flirting and wooing and we got to the point where it was miserable NOT to be with each other. That's something about me, I am in all the way, or not at all it seems. We moved in together. We had to. I mean when we were together there were times that we just sat and talked for hours or just looked at one another, memorizing everything we could about each other. The eyes ARE the pathway to your heart and soul. It's the very first thing I notice about a person.
My beloved Grandfather died a few months into this love affair. It was a big loss for me. Many of the childhood memories that I do have are with him and Grandma out at their nursery. He left each one of his Grandchildren a nice amount of money to be used only as a down payment on a home.....God bless him, he was going to make sure that we made good choices and had no choice but to! My Father had gotten into the realestate game by then, yes he finally did come after that first year, and found a house for me. I bought my first house at age 24. And so our happy life began.
Do you ever wish you had done something differently in your life? Of course you do, we all do. And then we wonder how our lives would be today if we did do it differently. Does that mean your life would have been better? Or just different? I believe our lives are made up of choices. Some good, some not so good and some bad....and some really bad. The good choices are a given, they can only make your life better. The bad choices, well, it happens, that's life. What matters is how you deal with the bad choices and the consequences that come with them. I have always taken responsibilty for my screw ups....I made the choice, no one made it for me. There are people out there that always tend to blame someone else or something else for the problems in their life....I really feel sorry for those people and to tell you the truth, I don't have much use for them. That may sound cold, but it's a negative way to live your life and I won't be a part of that. Anyway, I don't know why I got so far off from my story....I sometimes tend to explain or drive home a point I want to make way too excessively. You know, like beating a dead horse!!
We were together for the next 7 years. 6 of those 7 years were some of the best years of my life. But people change.....don't they? This is where the "choice" thing comes in......  Comments (5)
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